Alaska

So it's normal for me to have sooo much going on that I forget what all there is to write about when I actually have time to sit down and write. For one thing, Alaska just brings out the ugly in people. The weather is unpleasant at best, my family are all full of self-centered people who are completely focused on their on lives and don't give two shits about anyone else. Perfect example just happened -- The nanny is trying to help my aunt read the measurements from her drains after surgery and Sophie decides she needs Chrissy's attention so she sits and calls Chrissy over and over and over until she answers. She's in the same room and clearly understands that Chrissy is in the middle of helping her mom but even the fourteen year old is selfish enough to demand attention like a three year old toddler until she gets the aforementioned attention. WTF is up with that noise? I just don't understand how anyone could act like that. I would have been smacked a good one upside the dome for acting like that. Patience is non-existant in this house. It just makes it sooo hard to sit here and listen to these people and their crazy annoying self centered lives. I am reminding myself to stay focused on the point - Aunt Gerianne needs help. It's clear that no one here is willing to help her consistently so someone's gotta do it. I'm glad that I can be the one to help. I prepared her dinner again, for Aunt G and Henry. A friend brought over amazing cheesy chicken soup, home made rolls, and the delicious spinach, strawberry, and banana salad. So I put the salad together, warmed up the soup, and got it all plated and served. Happy little hostess that I am, lol. I also worked on  a chart of her medications so she can track which ones she's supposed to take everyday. I need to print it out for her so that's a project for tomorrow. I will probably have to ask Jeremy to help me with that project.

In other news, Jeremy's mamma (Michelle) and I are going to a hockey game on Thursday. Should be good bonding time. (Future mother-in-law bonding? Scary thought.) I'm excited for the game though because I've not been to an Aces game before. Which reminds me that I've also not been to a Sounders game. I need to work on that. Small goals, right Bri? :-)

Had another fight with Grandma today. I have no ability to keep my mouth shut when I'm talking to her. I think it's the only remaining outlet for my aggression towards my Dad. He's still completely impossible to understand. I guess I'm glad he's happy with Vicki but I will never understand how he can walk away from his kids and just pretend we barely exist. We are only around when it's convenient for him or socially required. It's hard to feel like your own biological father is only willing to be Dad when it fits into his busy schedule. Another reason why Dennis is such a good guy - we're not his kids but there is never a feeling of being annoying or inconvenient. We are all a family and sometimes you need to sacrifice yourself to help family here and there. Being up in Alaska has reminded me again that it is not a good place for the future. There is no future here. It's returning to the same shit I left 5 years ago. I miss it when I'm away but man, I can't imagine living here again. Sure, plenty of people would be excited and it would be fun for a while but it gets old very quickly. So yea, that's the decision of the day.

Regarding the fight with Anne that I'm pretty sure I wrote about, I am putting aside my bull with her to take care and focus on Aunt Gerianne. There's my personal sacrifice for family - dealing with their bull shit with a smile on my face so I can help Gerianne. She does so much for me and she works so hard. John came home and didn't even say hi to her. Promise to myself - I will never have a husband that doesn't say hello when he comes in the door. I want one that will drop his shit, walk over, and kiss me when he walks in the door. Especially if I am stuck in a chair right after surgery or worse - cancer treatment. I want a husband that will sit by my side through every single chemo treatment, every minute of hospital visits, and just be there for me. At the same time, I understand that he works and makes money to support the whole family and that's important but I just feel like it's not too much to ask for a simple few moments of attention when he gets home.

Computer battery is dying so I'm gonna wander off... More later ...