Today will be an interesting day, for sure. I'm not sure what to expect out of a trip to Alaska, I think it makes me more nervous than I care to admit. There's a flight leaving an hour earlier and that would mean one less hour sitting in Seattle but I'm scared to board. I'm going to sit here and calm down for an hour before I brave such a trip. I'm sure everything will be fine but I just... can't....
Gma... omfg my grandma. So I made plans with the cousins to be there with him on Friday, hangin out, doing whatever needs to be done. Positive reinforcement. The kicker is that their mom is having surgery on Friday morning, double mastectomy (sp?), the next step in her breast cancer treatment. Am I the only one that understands this? I can't imagine that I'm the only person on this side of the family that gets that 4 small kids are dealing with the mother going through cancer treatment. I'm pretty sure if my mom had been going through something like this when I was in high school, I might have just died. I doubt I could ever be strong enough to go through something like that. It's inspiring how strong they are. They are always smiling when we chat on skype. I hope that my family will be that happy some day. Family... now there's a subject up for debate right now... Anyway, back to the grandma story -- so she calls me on Monday night when I'm 2 beers deep and out with my friends at a bar to say that she got tickets to some broadway show on Friday night and really wants me to be there. So I told her I had plans etc and needed to talk to Gerianne and the kids about the schedule of events for Friday. She f*in calls Gerianne to tell her that I have something else to do and ask Gann if she really needs me to be there on Friday. Disrespectful anyone? I don't understand why she does things like that after years of being gone, moved away, etc. She still treats me like I'm 12. Just to frost her ass, I'm probably not going to make it to the show. We will see. What the fuck would I do if something happened and those kids were alone? I dunno... Am I being unreasonable here? I think it's absolute shit.
Sometimes I just want to scream when my family starts pulling such shit like this. It makes for a horrible day, no matter what because it just doesn't make sense. That's the key though, isn't it. I have to learn to accept them the way they are and accept that they are never going to change. I need to change my perspective on the situation. But is that even worth it? What do I serve to gain from better relationships with them? I keep asking that question but nothing ever comes to mind... I dunno... I'm leaning towards that being an answer. There isn't anything to gain. Everything I've done to this point has been independent of their support. There are always reasons to be successful without them though. I guess we will see as I grow up a bit more. I really can't wait to have my own family. I will have a husband that will be proud of my accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Chris is like that right now. He's been great support through quitting my job. Just to have someone who will still laugh and have fun with me is everything right now. All is not lost! We will see what happens though. Deployment will be hard for me to wait through. I guess we will see where our relationship ends up in April...
It's foggy and gross outside this morning. Perhaps that's why I'm not feeling the greatest. However, considering what happened yesterday, I feel wonderful. I was expecting this whole thing to be much much worse and I really can't complain at all. I think this is definitely one of the best decisions I've made lately. Excellent!
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